I’ve always felt like a bit of a coaster, fairly easily walking my way through School, University, life. Don’t get me wrong, struggling would not be a better option, I know, I have had those moments in life too.
I don’t think there has ever been anything obvious that I’ve excelled in.
I’m not really sure why it’s important to me, but I saw something online the other day asking you to think of one thing you are good at and my mind drew a blank.
A total blank!
How sad is that? Almost 32 and I have nothing I can say I’m good at, o’k, passable, plenty, but good, no.
At School I was an all rounder, top sets but not the top, good at sport, but not the best. A’s, B’s and C’s at GCSE, but no A*s. A 2:2 Psychology degree, I just missed out on a 2:1 which still annoys me!
Now as an adult I feel like I’m a good ish Mum some days, but not good. I know my job doesn’t help, being graded on your performance as a teacher based on a snapshot and a computer pupil tracking system has always been stressful, it’s a job where you could always have done something better. Getting passed up on opportunities because I’m part time, but knowing I couldn’t do the job full time, it already takes so much from me.
Maybe it’s a confidence thing? I can think of things I could possibly say I’m good at, but then I think of the things that make me not so good at it, you know that niggling voice in your head, saying but are you really?
When I stop and think about it, could it be the fact I had my family young meaning I’ve never had that time to find out what I’m good at, or any time to think about myself, I never really had those selfish years.
Is it now a lack of time, being stretched and pulled in so many directions I never get the chance to focus on one thing, never mind focus on anything for myself.
Or maybe it’s the way I am! I’m just an all rounder and always will be and is there anything wrong with that?
But if I’m being honest, for me, I would love to be able to say one thing, just one thing I am good at and know it! Not say it and then start thinking, well actually, are you?
So it got me wondering, am I alone in feeling like this? I’m surrounded by people who I look at and can say things they are good at. Do you all feel the same as I do or is their something you could say you are good at and know it?
Having dinner the other night I asked James to tell me something he thought I was good at. Thinking maybe it’s obvious to others, like how I look at people and can see it. He thought for quite a while and then said writing. So is that now what I need to focus on, try and find some time to improve, so that I actually feel like I am good at it?
I’ve got a horrible feeling that I will see the same meme pop up in a years time and my reaction will be the same. A blank. I don’t want it to be a blank!