The guilt of motherhood
September 22, 2014
The guilt for me started when I was pregnant with my first. I remember crying about something, as you do when you are pregnant, and thinking that it was affecting the baby. This made me cry more and I realised there was going to be someone else who everything I did had an impact on.
Roll on 7 years and I still feel guilty most days! I wanted to be one of those Mums who only ever cooks organic, nutritionally balanced meals. Does arts and crafts and educational activities everyday. That has perfectly behaved children, with perfect manners. A mum who is always on time and never stressy or in a rush. That never shouts, cries with frustration, and always looks good!
If there is a Mum out there that manages all of this then you must be superwoman. (Please give me some tips) I have my good days, but I also have my BAD days where from the minute I get woken up to the minute they go to bed it’s not one single thing from that list!
I started off well. When weaning my first I bought organic veg and lovingly made purées and meals. I did loads of crafty, educational things and had time to focus 100% attention on him. However I quickly realised I’m not a very punctual person, I’m more of a go with the flow. This is fine when it’s just you. But getting caught up in something and then realising you have to also get a toddler ready with the inevitable nappy change means you are usually running late. Its easier now they are older, but I used to be so pleased when I arrived somewhere early. I was never on time. Always early or late.
Sometimes they are in bed and I remember I haven’t read with my eldest. Some weekends it gets to a Sunday evening and I realise that I still need to get their uniform ready/washed. I will admit to going to the shop first thing to buy bread to make sandwiches for a packed lunch! I don’t always look immaculate and I’m not always patient. When they are both not listening and I’ve had a long day at work, I shout at them and then cry with frustration. I cook chicken nuggets and don’t always make sure they have 5 a day.
I do however do my best. They know they are loved and they love me. That is the most important thing!