A sad day to be a woman

As a woman and a mother to boys and a girl today has made me sad. Living in what looks like a World that doesn’t like differences be they your religion, race or sexual orientation. 

Most of all as a woman I despair at the news that a man who openly admits his sexism, to kissing and grabbing women without their consent is now President. What sort of message does this send? That it’s ok to treat women however you want, especially if you have lots of money and/or power? 

It’s a message I have seen becoming increasingly prevalent recently and it disgusts me. I thought we were a World moving forward but it seems to be moving backwards.

I’m well aware that I am lucky enough to not only have grown up in a time of woman’s rights but in a country which has laws to protect them. However I’m also well aware that being born with a vagina means I’m more likely to experience discrimination than those who weren’t 

Growing up I was told I could have it all and I never doubted it. A job, a career, a family, be respected and to the most part this is true. I quickly learnt though to fear large groups of men, avoid dark alleyway and walking home from friends houses as a teenager I would carry a rape alarm. Why? because I was a woman and women have something to fear.  Mixed messages that I still battle with today. Being told you are strong and can be whoever, whatever you want to be but always being expected to be mindful of your sex.

As a woman I have experienced sexism from the annoying to the disgusting. On holiday in Tunisia paying for a drink with my own money and the change being handed back to my then boyfriend.  Putting up with unwelcome comments and whistles just walking along the road.  

The bum grabbing or groping that would happen when walking past someone in a crowded club I took less easily, often confronting the perpetrator who would quite often laugh and shrug their shoulders knowing I was powerless to do anything. I can remember reporting one guy to a bouncer who laughed and said “What do you want me to do about it, he’s only having a laugh!” Having my body touched in a way I didn’t like without my consent being brushed off as something that should be seen as a bit of fun. It wasn’t for me and I doubt it was for the women who Donald Trump did it to either. We’ve just given those boys in the club more power!

When my ex husband had an affair I was met with shock and comments of being brave for wanting to be on my own rather than putting up with a man who didn’t respect me. I know if it had been the other way round he wouldn’t have received the same response. 

I see it in the media, rape victims being asked what they were wearing, how much they had drunk. Some men and worryingly other women still think that if you are wearing a short skirt and have had a drink you are asking for it.

The Ched Evans case, allowing the woman’s past boyfriends to be questioned about their sex life to discredit her evidence in court. Again a man with financial backing using it to his advantage to get away with his behaviour, not to mention the devastating affects this could have on rape victims having the courage to come forward. 

Brock Turner only being given 6 months for a violent rape of an unconscious girl because of wealth and connections. 

Again and again the message that you can do what you want to women.

I don’t want my girl, my boys to grow up seeing this message, they are and should be equal. You should treat others with respect regardless of their gender, their race, their religion or their sexual orientation. I want my girl to know she is not only beautiful but strong, intelligent and worthy of being treated with respect. I want my boys to grow up knowing and showing woman respect and being comfortable in making their own choices without fear of being targeted for them. I’m sure they will as they are lucky enough to be surrounded by good role models and love, it’s the people who aren’t that I worry for. 

As a woman I have never put up and shut up with being treated as anything less than equal to men regardless of who they are or the amount of money they have. I will continue to be this way, maybe even more fiercely so, to raise my children this way, with love, tolerance and acceptance. To continue to instill the belief in my daughter that she can smash that glass ceiling!

This job of mine, of ours to raise the future generation to be tolerant and accepting, has become even more important today! 

Dear Bear and Beany

13 responses to “A sad day to be a woman”

  1. Kris says:

    The only way to stop this sort of mentality is to teach our kids good values sadly some parenrs would see that as a piroity and others won’t. I think as women we should be thankfull we live in a western society its those in the middle east i feel ad for. #picknmix

  2. Life Loving says:

    Too right. You’ve made some amazingly true and valid points here. It does feel like we’ve gone backwards and not forwards. We all need to stand strong together on issues like this.

    Sally @ Life Loving

  3. Really good read and agree it’s sad times and highlights how far we still have to come #picknmix

  4. I wrote a very similar post to this, I am just in shock that any woman could vote for Trump, and that any man who respects women, who has a sister, a daughter, a wife could vote for Trump. How has this happened. I feel like the message getting out there is that you can treat a woman any way you want and you can be rewarded with becoming president of a great country! It is sickening. I have linked up to picknmix with a blog post, but the post I wrote about how I feel about Trump being voted in was shared on another bloggers website, you can see it here https://lisapomerantzster.com/2016/11/10/i-found-myself-in-tears-last-night/ The reason I did not share it on my site was because as a past sexual abuse victim I did not want people who know me personally to know that. But why? Do I feel ashamed? Why after 1 years of being safe do I still feel that I can not tell everyone I know what that man did to me? I am a survivor! But knowing Trump got in makes me feel like people are saying is sexual assault is OK, it makes me feel vulnerable and I hate admitting that! Thank you for such a powerful, strong post! #pixnmix

  5. We’re certainly living in strange times when a man like that can become president. I’m with you though, the best thing we can do is teach our kids respect, for themselves and for each other x

  6. I think there has been a thing going round for ages saying something along the lines of “teach girls about preventing rape” I say to teach the boys we raise about respect.
    As a woman I’m all for equality, but we shouldn’t have to fight so hard for it if we teach our children to respect others as people and not for their genitalia.
    I’m not into politics but to have trump in power seems to have thrown the USA back decades. I worry about the next generation as their “role model” is not someone to look up to.

  7. Helena says:

    Reading this I can’t help feeling angry alongside you. #PicknMix

  8. I think the election result has been a real wake up call for people like me who genuinely thought that sexism just wasn’t really an issue. While we can’t do anything about the election result, we can make it our mission to ensure that our children have more accepting attitudes, treat each other with respect, and have good role models in their lives. Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  9. I generally thought that we had overcome sexism and have been fortunate enough to work in large corporate companies that truly value woman and the CEO was a woman. The election has shown that this isn’t quite the case everywhere. I agree I want my girls to grow up knowing they can achieve and be anything and to feel equal in this world along with everyone else. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove xx

  10. Lucy At Home says:

    It really is so sad that these things still happen today. In fact it is disgusting! We, as parents, can change that – we are the ones who will impact the next generation and raise them with good values. If we all work together, we can change this world! #SharingTheBlogLove

  11. Crummy mummy says:

    You’re very right – my post on the election result was somewhat different & why I can’t worry about it! #picknmix

  12. Barn Mummy says:

    After the Brexit vote over here in the UK I just felt in my gut that the US election would end up as it has. I hoped it wouldn’t but I felt it would. Damn that intuition. I have a daughter who I’m always telling she can do what she wants, be who she wants and not to let anyone bring her down – but when people like Trump get into power you wonder how true this really is. All we can do is bring them up to believe it and hope that their generation don’t make the stupid mistakes ours have allowed to happen.

  13. I really enjoyed reading this post and I agree with everything that you are saying. My boys will also grow up to treat everyone with respect regardless of if they are male or female. The US election vote really sent shivers down my spine and it scares me at what he could do to America. I was always told that I could be whatever I wanted and t am of equal worth to anyone else. I have grown up feisty and determined and nothing has ever held me back and that’s the way I want my boys to be. If you want something bad enough then you will get there! #sharingthebloglove

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