A complicated Christmas – Split families at Christmas

Christmas is meant to be a time for family. So what do you do when yours has been shattered? I wrote last year about our complicated Christmas. I was planning on having a stress free time but in reality it was far from it. I had a 10 week old baby and I was still very up and down. Despite having everything ready and even presents made, the last couple of days before Christmas she decided to have a growth spurt and so I couldn’t get any wrapping done. The stress was starting to build.

I knew I had to make Christmas Eve and Christmas Day special as the boys were going to their Dads for Boxing Day. In reality I spent Christmas Eve trying to wrap, rushing to a Nativity with a poorly Finlay and a poorly baby in tow. The evening was spent trying to wrap and get everything ready, not exactly a great start.

Christmas Day a toy Batman was lost that came from a set that James’ Mum had got Finlay. Not a huge deal, but I was on the edge and it tipped me over. I didn’t want to be looking for a toy, I wanted to be playing with them, watching them, soaking in the details. They not very surprisingly were not interested in helping me look, which is when I heard the words come out from my mouth “You can’t open any more presents until the Batman is found!” As soon as I said it I burst into tears. How horrible was I? We spent the next hour looking for it, in the bin bags full of wrapping paper, under the furniture, everywhere. Did it turn up? No! I had two very upset boys and also an upset me! The Batman eventually turned up 6 months later in June when we moved out of the house. It was under the fridge of course. 

The day improved after the Batman incident thanks to a calming James who managed to somehow sort the situation out. We headed over to my Mum and Dads and spent a lovely afternoon/evening there. It was still a lot of backwards and forwards as James got his little boy mid afternoon and had to bring him over. I didn’t have the stress free Christmas that I wanted and once again it was down to the pressure I had put on myself, when was I going to learn?

a complicated Christmas

This year what am I doing differently? Oddly I feel calmer, I know we are never going to have a perfect family Christmas, it’s just not going to happen. I’m still sad about this, but I’m slowly coming to terms with it. Ava is older, I’ve already wrapped half of the presents and I have cut down the amount I am making people this year. I only have the boys till lunchtime on Christmas Day this year, but I get them back on Boxing Day lunchtime. Somehow this takes the stress out as I get some more time with them that day too. The morning will be spent in a whirlwind of present opening, some yummy breakfast and then I’m heading over to my Mum and Dads, dropping the boys en route. James is getting Ethan around the same time and he will open some presents at home with him before coming to my Mum and Dads for Christmas Dinner. Boxing Day everyone is coming to us, my Mum and Dad are picking up the boys on the way over and bringing their presents, so it’s actually worked out well as I won’t be taking loads of presents backwards and forwards.

Hopefully this year will be great and I will actually get to enjoy it, the pressure is off for the perfect day. Oh I forgot to mention James’ Mum is arriving later today and staying for all of Christmas, what did I say about no stress?!

It’s just going to be another complicated Christmas and the difference this year is that’s it’s becoming ok. 


3 responses to “A complicated Christmas – Split families at Christmas”

  1. Donna says:

    I remember this well form my own childhood – two older brothers both with different Dads. I know you will make it as perfect as you can for your beautiful family. Merry Christmas lovely x

  2. Tess says:

    I’m sure so many people and families can relate to this!
    We too have major christmas logistics as both mine and my hasbands parents are divorced. That makes 4 seperate families to visit and 4 choices over where we eat. We decided early on as we simply couldn’t please everyone, we would please ourselves and Christmas day is spent only with each other. We squeeze everyone else in on christmas eve and boxing day, but thsoe days can get stressful!
    I am without a doubt that you will have made christmas absolutely brilliant for all the kids. They will have felt special and loved, which is all you can hope for.
    Thanks for sharing, and no that you are not alone in dealing with complex christmas logistics!

  3. Notmyyearoff says:

    I hope you have a really lovely one with all the complicated stuff. It’s weird because this week I asked everyone in my office what they were doing and each one was dreading something (or someone) different coming. May it be a lovely one for you though xx

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